The Secret $30 Minimum Wage for Jews Only

Note to the economically illiterate: This is a joke. None of it is true.

Gentiles always want to know why Jews are so successful. The answer is, higher minimum wage. By Jewish law, Jews must be paid at least $30 an hour regardless of what they do, meaning that even Jews who sweep the floors of McDonald’s (without eating any of the Big Macs of course) can afford to buy humongous houses after only a few years of savings, while other floor sweepers can barely afford a crawl space.

Since Jews are not allowed to work for anything below $30 according to Halacha, employers are forced to pay Jews higher wages, which is why Jews are so rich. Even though non Jews who are not subject to the $30 Jewish minimum wage Halacha could theoretically undercut expensive Jewish labor, that never actually happens. Employers are glad to spend enormous sums of money on Jews just because what the hell.

We all know employers are rich enough to pay anything Jews tell them to. They own a business for God’s sake! How can you own a business but not be able to afford to pay more than your workers produce? If you own a business, you’re rich. You should pay your Jews more.

The secret to wealth is not production. It’s law. The only reason the Talmud didn’t jack up the Jewish minimum wage to $1,000,000 an hour, even though that would certainly work fine (business owners are rich after all) is that the Rabbis had pity on non Jews who wouldn’t be able to afford anything if all the Jews were earning $1 million an hour.

There would be no more Shabbos goys. It would be a terrible problem.

So, if America wants to fix its economy, all it needs to do is put people who work for and employ others at $29 an hour or below, in jail. That way, everyone will be rich, just like the Jews.

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