Solving the conundrum of posthumous Mormon baptism

Ynet published an op ed by Rabbi Levi Brackman where he says that Jews should stop freaking out about the Mormon practice of baptizing long dead Jews so they can call them Mormon and they can pass the big Mormon gatekeeper at heaven after having waited at the Mormon gates of Heaven for 70 years or so.

Well, the Mormons are pretty damn late if it took them so long to finally think of us that maybe we need a little holy water sprinkled on something so we can get past the Mormon Heaven bouncer. But Rabbi Brackman is right, and I support any pundit who goes all out on Abe Foxman and the ADL, which is arguably the most useless and even damaging Jewish organization in existence today that actively encourages the very anti Semitism it is trying to quash by whining about everything and making every Jew on the planet look like a giant wuss.

The conundrum here though is that posthumous baptism on dead holocaust victims enrages us because it shows that not even death can stop the inquisition anymore. And Christian love can turn to hate at any moment as we all know. A hypocritical sick twist of love and hate, a passive-aggressive act of contempt of Judaism that  makes us nauseous. But then again, we don’t want to take it too seriously as if to imply that it actually works and all the Jewish Holocaust victims are all “Mormon” now, partying away with Brigham Young in the sky and doing ecstasy.

So the best thing to do, in my opinion, is make the ADL useful and have them publicly mock the practice by inventing a “special Jewish spell” taken right out of something like Harry Potter or whatever and announce that the Jews have made a special baptism repellent powder we had our best Rabbis sprinkle through all the Mormon air vents to prevent the baptism from working. Or something stupider. The more asinine the better.

The dumber you can make this thing, the more respect we’ll get rather than screaming that the Mormons are sprinkling water on our dead and Mormonizing them as if that actually had some metaphysical effect.

No amount of Jesus fairy dust is going to do squat, so my top childish idea is to pour some sewage in their baptism water. I suggested this to the friend who sent me the Rabbi Brackman article, and she responded with an ingenious line:

Quick! Last one to take a %#$^ in the baptism water’s a Mormon!


The closest thing to a neocon Ron Paul supporter I’ve found

Just saw this on the Ron Paul forums. This guy is the closest thing to a neocon supporting Ron Paul that I’ve seen out there.

He’s also the closest to my own views on the subject of Islam.

My biggest disagreement with Ron Paul is his view of Islam. He doesn’t see it as problematic as a religion. But then again, it’s not the Christians’ job to fight Islam, as Christianity and Islam are not all that different. Just depends on the century. Sometimes the former is violent and the latter passive, sometimes the other way around. Just ask medieval Spanish Jews. And we’re always in the middle of our bickering children, the Christians and Muslims.

I trust Paul even though he’s a Christian because he’s first and foremost an advocate of Liberty, the penultimate Jewish value. His Christianity is private, subsumed under his independent conscience rather than leading it.

Dealing with Islam is our fight, not the Christians’. It won’t be a fight of bombs so much as a war of ideas. So Ron Paul is not the one to fight it. His job is to set an example of freedom in the world so we can fight our own battles.