How I explain Israeli elections to my 4 and 3 year old

Walking my 4-year old to Gan this morning. She sees a picture of Lieberman on the fence. She asks who it is. I say “That’s a very bad man.”

“Why is he bad?”

“Because he wants to take our freckles away (freckles is our word for shekels) and if we don’t give him our freckles, he wants to put us in jail.”

Then we get to the Gan and there’s a picture of Bibi looking my child in the face with that sneer. And I tell her he’s really bad, too. So she asks why he’s on the wall. I tell her that he’s the one who tells everyone which Gan to go to and if anyone tries to go to a different Gan without him saying yes, he will put them in jail.

He’s also the biggest one taking away all your freckles. And under him is Yigal Freaking Lahav the Retroactive Tax Douche. (I didn’t use those words.) I told her that he was SO bad that not only did he take our freckles away, but he told us he was only going to take 100 away, and then he took away 200!

Elections, I explain, is when all the bad people who take your shekels away come together and make you pick which one of them is going to be the biggest one. Then they all come together in one group anyway and take even more stuff away from you. But since they want us to pick one of them to be the biggest one, some people think that the one they pick will take more freckles away from somebody else to give it to them.

“That sounds bad,” says my 4 year old.

“Yes. It’s very bad.” (1:17)



I’m voting Arabs unless someone pays me not to

My recent Facebook post.

Alright Facebook feed. I’m now going to blackmail you, and I’m serious. The Satmars have offered me $100 not to vote. But since I’m not 100% sure they’ll pay up as I don’t dress Satmar, I’m going to do something else.

I’m going to vote for the Arab Party because I don’t think it makes a difference and the only thing I really want to see is no possible coalition, and I think that the larger the Arab party, the less likely a government is to form at all. The government, the whole thing, is my enemy, and I want it as weak as possible.

The only way I will not vote for the Arabs is if someone convinces me not to, and the only way you can convince me not to is by paying me money. Words will not convince me of anything.

So if you think it’s really important that I not vote for the Arab party, put up your pledge. If we reach $100, I won’t vote at all. If you want me to vote for a specific party, say which one and pledge your amount. The party with the most pledges above $100 gets my vote. You can also PM me if you want, but any name calling will be promptly deleted from the thread.

100% of all proceeds will be donated to the Tzedaka of your choice in the amount of your pledge, but no government-run tzedaka and no political parties. All proceeds must be collected before Tuesday or I’m voting Tibi.

CRAZY? Why I’m Considering Voting for Ahmed Tibi and the Arabs

As you may know, now that Feiglin is out for this round at least, I have no one to vote for. I originally considered not voting at all and going to the anti-Zionist Satmars and collecting $100 for not voting, but someone just proposed a radical, crazy idea that is interesting enough to work, theoretically if not practically.

The idea was proposed to me by a Feiglin activist who has a group going around on Facebook for it. I don’t think it will actually work because there aren’t many disenfranchised people like myself with the disdain for all parties and the State itself to do it. Even I am creeped out by the thought of putting in a petek for Tibi, Zoabi, Zahalka, Sarsur and company. Kal Vachomer (a fortiori) someone who loves the State. Not many will do this, though it would be pretty cool if they did.

In order to be able to do something like this, you have to start with the extreme case and extrapolate from there. The extreme case is that every vote is cast for Arabs, and they win all 120 seats. What happens then? What happens is the Jewish population completely ignores the results of the vote and the whole system is changed in a 180 degree turn. All Zionist party (defined very loosely from Meretz to Kahanists) heads will have to resign in embarrassment. Political revolution.

So then what happens if Arabs get, say, 40 seats? And how can that happen?

Here is a conversation we had on Facebook about it. She explains it better than I can.

Me: What is the reshima meshutefet?
Me: Oh, the arabs. I have no problem with that, but I don’t think you can convince a lot of people
Her: Yes. When I point out that they’re united for the first time, in an election that will have the lowest turnout, and that they usually vote 50% of the Jewish percentage, but now they have reason for aspiration & hope & change, and if they double our vote percentage and come out 80% to vote they can get 40 mandates, and nothing’s stopping them: I get 1,001 answers why it’ll fail and they’ll break apart and they won’t be able to form any coalition … basically that it doesn’t matter.Her: But when I say vote Joint List: It’s the ultimate protest, new elections will be held in 90 days, all party heads will have to resign permanently, the arabs won’t succeed in joining a second time, they’ll be exposed as patsies, the establishment will come down hard yo make provisions that it will not and cannot ever happen again, but most importantly: the message will go out to every Knesset member “You are not wanted! Go home and don’t come back!” It’s the greatest form of protest/political upheaval the country will ever see. You know what they say?

“The risks are to great.”

Me: hehe…I was going to take the $100 from the Satmar but voting arabs is not a bad idea
Me: I like the idea
Me: maybe I’ll do it, I‘m one of the few you’d be able to sway though, I fear
Her: … I know this can change the political scene forever, if we can get just 10% of disenfranchised Jews (between those who are going to throw away their votes – more than ever – and those who wouldn’t otherwise vote) each vote is worth 1,000 Jews protesting in the street. If 200 votes for the Joint List (arabs) come out of Kiryat Arba, 50 votes from Kochav haShachar, 500 votes from Hiryzeliya … politics here will never be the same.Why, if there are 1,001 reasons that there’s “nothing to fear” from the Arabs getting 40 mandates on their own” – why are people so afraid?!

I’m protesting on March 17, and I’m voting for the Arab Block.

Bibi, Buji, marionettes of the Elite “old money” who have their own personas but aren’t allowed to make any substantial change, and their lackies who line up behind them in their respective parties to play their roles and make sure the people do not count, it’s over, go home, you don’t represent anyone, if I don’t vote or vote for Green Leaf no one cares, but if they lose to “the Arabs” with the help of the disenfranchised Jewish vote, oh ho, they’ll notice! And nothing will ever be the same!

Sounds nuts eh? I’m thinking about it. What say you?