How to Really Heckle Donald Trump

Trump has some serious game. He is an AMOG par excellence. AMOG is pickup parlance for Alpha Male of the Group. He knows how to deflect hecklers and come out on top. But AMOG’s have their weaknesses.

The last time somebody heckled Trump he threatened to have security take away his coat. Dissing Trump though is not going to work. Alphas always know how to turn hecklers to their advantage.

The only way to get Trump off his game through heckling is to praise him profusely and embarrassingly while taking his policy centerpieces to their logical conclusion.

Here’s what I mean. When I was in the Israeli army, I was stuck with a bunch of juvenile misfits. Almost all of the native Israeli kids were gross annoying obnoxious disgusting and stupid, most of them from broken homes. They stuck them with the group of new immigrants (עולים חדשים) to hopefully tame them, us being twenty-somethings, some with wives and families. I was married at the time.

It didn’t work. The obnoxious kids poisoned the rest of the group and it was just miserable. I made a few friends but I can’t say the experience was net positive. I wasn’t even a minarchist back then.

There was however one kid in particular who was especially annoying. A good looking badass from a bad neighborhood who refused to do anything the commanders told him to do and got us all collectively punished for it. Such is the State army. He was ultra cool, and extremely annoying. Imagine having to deal with the most popular teenager in camp while looking at it from the point of view of a married 26 year old who shouldn’t even be wasting time in summer camp.

One time this kid was flirting with a group of good looking female soldiers. He was doing well, they were giggling and obviously attracted to him. I was with a group of immigrant soldiers from my unit, married guys, and we were all just looking at this kid wanting to mess up his game somehow. So I volunteered to do it.

I walked up to him as he was flirting with these girls, tilted my glasses so they were a little crooked, pulled my pants up high to look as nerdy and stupid as possible, and said, in my thickest and deepest American-accented Hebrew I could pull off, “עמוס הוא החייל הכי טוב והכי מגניב בכל המחלקה! אני אוהב את עמוס מאוד מאוד, הוא חבר טוב מאד שלי ושל כולנו! שלום עמוס אתה מגניב!”

“Amos is the coolest and best soldier in our whole unit! I love Amos a lot a lot! He is my best friend and everyone’s best friend! Hi Amos, you’re really cool!”

As I was saying this I put my arm around his shoulder and tried to give him a hug, but he ran out of there too fast and by the time I finished he had already sprinted away.

That’s how you have to heckle Donald Trump. Go in there wearing a Trump shirt, Trump gear, scream profuse praise and say something like “Yay Donald! I love the Donald! No more trade with China! We don’t want China’s cheap stuff! We want to pay more for American stuff! Build a huge wall on the Mexican border! Make it like the big wall of China! Ban all immigration! Deport all the Muslims! Save America! Go Donald!”

And then try to rush the stage and give him a big hug. Make sure you’re wearing a big Donald wig.

And I promise you he won’t know how to respond. He’ll just be flustered.



2 thoughts on “How to Really Heckle Donald Trump

  1. Rafi, he’ll professionally intervene and interrupt you by the time you say “no more China..” if you can say “trade” it’s divine intervention.
    Donald will stumble only if some sort of truly compromising thing about his business emerges – like if he has a medical company from where he gets his blood fix coz he’s a vampire. Serious stuff.
    His agenda is simple – he’s rich (so he won’t be corrupted, as if!), he knows all politicians are corrupted (so does everyone else) and he’s not one (false), he’s honest even if he’s rude (really?). The rest is just promise, by the time he won’t do anything but begin process of all he promised, he’ll be in second term because he promised space exploration instead of the wall to Mexico.
    What the political class needs is a blank vote – people will vote and the majority of it will be crooked votes – like with more stamps than one, drawings on them etc. So voters would be registered have voted and no one can steal elections, but the votes would be as invalid (so the elections). This until they introduce electronic voting system and then people will HAVE to vote if they show up to vote, and the road downhill is really fast from there. We’ll just know who wins. (not we… them…)

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