Back to the Four Blood Moons, an Election Prediction

Let’s get bold. Go big or go home. And let’s keep in mind that this is just a game, and I could be wrong. (In other words, let’s hedge some bets.)

I wrote a little ditty about the four blood moons a while back and it’s been getting a lot of traffic. People are interested in it apparently. Disclaimer, I find it interesting and possibly credible, but I’m not holding my breath and I reserve the doubt that it could be nothing. So in the spirit of the four blood moons, here’s my prediction for the upcoming elections.

According to Jewish blood moon theory, a term I have just coined, something big is supposed to happen around Sukkot. That’s about 9 months away. Elections are on March 17, which is 6 months away from Sukkot. The minimum space between general elections has to be at least 3 months.

Therefore, if the big change does mean that Feiglin will be elected by Sukkot, that means this time he will get very close to winning the upcoming Likud primaries, but Netanyahu will eek out a victory. Since Israelis are so freaking tired of Netanyahu, Likud will not do too well in the generals. Netanyahu will either cobble together a hodge-podge government, barely, or he will not be prime minister at all. If he cobbles together a coalition, it will fall within 3 months. If he doesn’t, and he is not prime minister, he will resign just as many other would-be prime ministers have from the heads of their respective parties, and once again there will be primaries for Likud chairman.

Feiglin will win those easily, or else he will win the ones that happen after Netanyahu’s 3-month government falls sometime around summer 2015.

In either case, we will have Moshe as head of Likud before the last blood moon appears on Sukkot. This time it’ll be a good run, but not yet.

Let’s see what happens.

This Week on the Temple Mount – Siyum Masechet Chagiga, and Shuckling Trouble

The police would not let Moshe Feiglin on Har Habayit this month, which technically is illegal because bureaucrats cannot by law tell Knesset members where and where they cannot go within Israeli borders. While I’m not fan of laws that aren’t the non aggression principle or applications of it, this one kind of is, because it has to do with freedom of movement, if only for one specific kind of person, being an MK.

I wasn’t going to go up this month since I usually go with Moshe, I got a text last night that someone in my neighborhood wanted to go and wanted to know if I wanted to join. Since he was offering a ride there and back and I didn’t have to drive, I went along.

It was good to see the Arabs all energetically praising Allah at us. That was normal. What was abnormal were two things. First, I actually got in trouble with one of the policeman for doing literally nothing. As a davener, I am habituated to shuckling, the Jewish rocking back and forth that Jews who are used to praying three times a day while standing generally do. I’m also a bit high strung, not terribly so, but mildly, so I don’t like staying perfectly still while standing. So I have a habit of shuckling mildly.

I remember as far back as 8th grade standing over my math teacher’s shoulder while she was helping me with a homework problem. I was shuckling back and forth as she was explaining it to me and she suddenly turned to me and said, “Stop DOING that! It’s driving me crazy!”

I guess the shadows from my rocking were moving on the paper, but at first I didn’t even know what she was talking about, because I do it automatically.

Same thing happened here. I was just standing there, and suddenly the cop descends upon me and screams that I’m praying. I really had no idea what he was talking about, but he said ״תפסיק את התנועות! אתה מתועד, יש לי מצלמה! אם אתה לא תפסיק אעקב אותך, וחבל.״ Stop those movements, you’re being recorded, if you don’t stop I’ll arrest you, and you don’t want that!”

This happened twice. The first time I really had no idea what the hell his problem was. The second time I figured it out that it was my shuckling that he thought was praying. I was just listening to the impromptu tour guide.

The second time though was even more ironic. A teenage kid with peyos was actually doing a siyum masechet on Chagiga, reciting the whole thing as if being a tour guide, without the Waqf understanding what he was saying so the cops didn’t stop him.

Davka then, while this kid was in the middle of all of Rav Papa’s 10 sons, the cop yells at me. Wrong target dude.

Anyway, he did the siyum, and I had a bite of mezonos for the Seudas Mitzvah, which I don’t normally eat but for a Seudas Mitzvah on Har Habayit, I’ll take a bite.

That was a first for me. Thanks kid!

WTF: How I ended up in a Lesbian Sex Shop in Tel Aviv Without Realizing It

I’m still scratching my head as to how the hell this happened.

An old high school friend contacted me a few weeks ago telling me he’d be in Israel for a week. I met up with him today with my family and his at the Tel Aviv port to hang out and catch up, let our kids play in the parks there and go out to eat. He was staying at his cousin’s house and wanted to get his cousin a gift for hosting him for the week, so we went around the port mall to find a place that sells kitcheny sort of stuff.

We were walking around outside and Fry, my 5 month old son, is clearly hungry and needs to nurse, so we duck into this strange looking but nice post-modernish store so she can sit and nurse him. The style is nice but clearly weird, with all kinds of artsy kind of stuff hanging like a modern art museum. There is actually a small stand with glitzy kitchen-looking stuff, ceramic vegetable bakers or some such thing. So we go near those to see while the wife sits down to nurse. I start to notice that the staff are all women with short hair who are looking at us like we don’t belong here.

Here’s a picture of the place I found on Google Maps.

 

Lesbian Sex Shop in Tel Aviv
Lesbian Sex Shop in Tel Aviv

Then I look on one of the walls and see a sketch of four women with enormous breasts hanging down to the floor. I naturally pointed it out to my friend and we proceeded to crack up, reverting back to being in high school, and chalking the painting up to some post-modern taste or something like that.

Then we see a gift shop sort of thing at the end of the building, and walk in, trying to kill time while Fry is nursing. I didn’t spend more than 3 seconds in there, but I noticed a whole wall covered with very large purple and neon green dildos and other colors I didn’t care to remember, but they were all vivid and I’m color blind. At this point my friend and I were cracking up noticeably, thanking God that our kids are all too young to know what any of this stuff is. The staff of short-haired women begins to get annoyed at us, because we are clearly religious with very young children and in the wrong place for any time.

As I duck out of the gift shop, one of the staff asks me if I need help. I say, stifling laughter, “Sure, they’re looking for kitchen stuff, a house-warming gift or something,” pointing to my friend and his wife, who is by now feeling very awkward as well. The staff woman starts showing them the ceramic stuff, which we already saw, and I’m on the other side of the wall, across from where my wife is nursing the baby, the image of 20 dildos still stuck in my head.

Then I turn around and see two television screens on a loop of about 3-5 seconds, one showing someone’s butt shaking right against the screen in furious motion. The other is in a loop focusing on what looked like a covered male genital area. I still haven’t figured out how that fits into the whole lesbian thing. Maybe it’s a bisexual thing or they don’t discriminate, or they want to make the straights feel more comfortable.

I make eye contact with my wife, and she looks at the monitors, which were in front of her the whole time as she’s nursing the baby but she didn’t notice. Then she gets a really disturbed look on her face and we all decide to get the hell out of there, mid nurse. Fry is not happy.

When we get out, we notice that the name of the place is “Sisters Rule the World” or something to that effect. If you want to check it out, it’s at the north end of the Tel Aviv port, around number 26 I believe.

Strange, wacky place, Tel Aviv. But hey, I’m all for free markets, lesbian sex shops included.

Why I Gave ₪5,000 to the Feiglin Campaign and have ₪10,219 more to go

The purpose of this post is not to pontificate about how righteous I am. Neither is it to say that everyone should have my standards. I don’t expect that. The only purpose of this post is to spit in the face of Bituach Leumi, which is the Israeli version of Obamacare, and government welfare payments in general. Not the people who take them. Only the people that legislate them and give them out.

On June 27th, my wife, thank God, gave birth to a healthy boy. (For those interested, here’s a video of my Dvar Torah on his name, Efraim Avraham Farber. The short version is I named him Efraim because the tribe Efraim had the guts to lead the secession from the House of David in what started as a tax rebellion. And also because my favorite cartoon character is Phillip J. Fry from Futurama, who saves the planet from an army of invading brains. Avraham for my grandfather.)

Anyway, after Fry was born, my wife was forbidden by the State from working. At first I didn’t know that maternity leave was not optional. It is mandatory, ordered by the State. We were just going to forego the maternity leave payments because she works from home and there was no point in taking a break. And I have gone over here many times that we do not accept direct government stipends of any kind. I give our monthly child stipends away to Manhigut Yehudit, as well as the ₪1000 plus shekels we got after Fry was born. There is no way to avoid those payments unless we have a home birth and never register the baby’s birth, which is impossible.

Mandatory maternity leave in Israel goes like this: Bituach Leumi pays you, after you hand in a bunch of forms, for three months of your average salary of the previous three months. It’s one size fits all nonsense, especially for my wife. One of her jobs is teaching once a week at University of Haifa Bnei Brak, and there are no classes in July, August, or September, the months where she would be on paid maternity leave. But she’d get payment by Bituach Leumi for those months anyway because one size fits all.

She also edits a children’s magazine as well as puts together teacher’s guides. We were informed by the latter company that she could no longer legally be on the payroll. Problem being, the company cannot simply get someone else to edit the magazine because only she is familiar with the work and requirements. So what ended up happening is that she did the work anyway for free for those three months, because otherwise the entire enterprise would have been in danger and she could have had no job to come back to after three months.

As for the teacher’s guides, she offered to do them, but since it was illegal, they got someone else (those were easier to find replacements for), and then just let her go. So there goes that income forever, thanks to mandatory maternity leave that makes it unlawful for every woman in this country to be on anybody’s payroll.

There was an option for me to take “paternity leave” for 6 weeks to shorten the amount of mandatory maternity leave for my wife to 8 weeks, but since I am technically unemployed in Israel (I work for an American company remotely, and no I do not take unemployment), I could not take paternity leave even though I am home all the time anyway. So much for that.

We tried not to take the money and just ignore Bituach Leumi and bite the bullet, she having to work for nothing for 3 months by law, but then the company demanded she pay an insurance premium if she didn’t take the Bituach Leumi maternity money since that is what is required by law, for the advancement of women’s rights and such.

It would have cost us even more money out of pocket to ignore Bituach Leumi, so in the end we had to take the money so as not to pay the penalty for ignoring it.

So as of yesterday, we received ₪15,219 in taxpayer money to compensate for the fact that it is illegal for women to work 3 months after giving birth, no matter what their situation.

Since we do not accept a cent from Bituach Leumi, we decided to give it all away. ₪5,000 immediately went to the Moshe Feiglin election campaign. ₪219 went to a murder victim’s widow whose husband’s death the State tried to cover up as an accident. I would have given her the rest of the money, every shekel, but thankfully for her the State admitted her husband was murdered last week, so she’ll now be taken care of. I now have ₪10,000 left to give away, and I have a plan for it, which you will God willing be hearing about in the coming weeks and months.

I would like to reiterate that these standards are entirely my own, and I don’t expect anyone else to hold by my own stringencies. I don’t look down on people who accept tax money for whatever reason. Accepting tax money is not technically a libertarian crime, but it’s something I personally can’t do, to the extent that I can avoid it. I ask not to be tested by God in this regard, because if I actually needed it and my family was starving, I would probably fail the test and take the money. But thank God I don’t need it, and my not touching it will hopefully ensure that I never will.

In short, it’s not my righteousness that is pushing away ₪15,219 of tax money that came our way. It’s purely my loathing of the system that gave it to me and my way of seceding from that system and spitting in its face. Thankfully, I’m married to someone who is strong enough to live by my own standards.

May the ₪5,000 I gave to the Feiglin campaign be used to get rid of Bituach Leumi entirely, and misogynistic mandatory maternity leave laws in particular, laws that give women NO choice as to what they want to do after they give birth, and in many cases, as in my wife’s, force them to work for nothing for three months.